2017. What. A. Year.

This is the year where I turned into the age of twenty-four (Wait. Twenty-four? That’s crazy). The year I graduated from college with a BS degree in Nutrition and Dietetics (Whohoo! Fi-na-lly). The year I flew through two yoga teacher trainings, overcame my hugeee fear of teaching and started sharing yoga with an amazing group of people of all ages and backgrounds. The year I’ve gotten my foot through the revolving hospital doors and made meaningful interactions with patients of all kinds… And unexpectedly, somehow in the midst of all of that I managed to meet someone to share a portion of my busy life with too.

Not everything in 2017 went as perfectly as the way it sounds. As you know, life is full of twists and turns to throw you off your plans. I’ve had times of frustrations when studying for GRE math, a subject that I haven’t touched for ages and still seems illogical to me and when I realized the equivalence between my level of vocabs and poop. It bothered me so much that at one point I stopped going to the gym thinking that I can “buy” myself some time to prep. In hindsight, that was such a disastrous and silly idea… In the end, I postponed my PA application so I can score with flying colors and be a better candidate. There was also a period of time where I felt lost and had second thoughts about my major and my future. I questioned about why I push myself so hard into going into the field of medicine when I could do something less mentally and physically stressful… ironically, you would think health professionals live a healthy life but their health is probably the last few things they thing about. I personally know hardworking people who would spend more time in books and google search than anything else, drink cups and cups of coffee to stay awake late at night, and drinking nutritional supplements as a meal replacement like Ensure. I study nutrition and even I am guilty of eating protein bars instead of a real, healthy and nutritious home-cooked meal… And that’s why I plan and meal prep so I can have wholesome foods ready to grab and go. ☺ And then there are times where you think about the people who comes and goes in your life, and questioned about why someone who you became close with over the years don’t make it through as lifelong friendships. As you can see, things don’t happen the way you plan or anticipated them to be but every input of time and effort counts. At the end, they all add up. None is wasted.

Life is filled with ebbs and flows. Our strive for being happy and successful often makes us over look what is beneath the surface. We quickly compare to others who appears to be “happy” and successful and forget that they too, have moments of loneliness, sadness, shamefullnes, guilt, and anger. We compare to other’s relationships when ours feel like it’s falling apart and collect pieces of things we lack into the little box in our minds… Our struggles to adapt and embrace changes often times become ten times harder, because we try so hard to avoid feeling the negative emotions. But actually, all those ups and down feelings tells us so much more about what we value. During my struggles, all the signs of doubts that I questioned myself was my way self-diagnosing what I thought was wrong with me. Why am I feeing this way? Am I not happy with what I am doing? Is there something wrong with me? Am I confused? Or am I making the right choices? It wasn’t until later on that I realized that I was being resistant to what just “is”. That all the negative feelings that I experienced were completely normal and all I need to do is to sit with them and accept them as is. And that there is no reason to beat myself up on why I’m feeling the way I feel and think that there’s something wrong with me. It occurred to me that, we so conditioned in this present society to categorize those “negative” emotions as bad or abnormal when it actually just makes us more human and real. It is all those good and bad experiences that shapes us to be such unique individuals. And it is all those little steps in our journeys that makes us laugh and cry worth celebrating for. Hence, with the accumulations of everything that has happened in 2017, I have learned that happiness is not the key ingredient to my happy cup of tea.

So next time when you’re faced with a difficult situation, accept your emotions as a part of your journey to a fulfilled life. You have the potential to transform from the change. So give it your best shot and trust that in the end, everything will make sense.

Let “contentment” and “gratitude” be considered in your 2018 New Year intention and replace it with the word “happy” instead! Not to mention that I’ve probably packed on a good eight to ten pounds along the way but all the events of 2017 has taught me so many invaluable lessons. I’m so happy grateful to share it with you all!

Thank you for reading this. Wishing you all love and light. xx, 💓 Christine Fei-bulous.

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